A man came to the clinic and asked to make an appointment with an “Ear‑Throat‑Eye” doctor. The receptionist, surprised by such a request, gave him a ticket to the psychiatrist, since the man was clearly not in his right mind.
After waiting in line, he finally entered the doctor’s office and immediately asked, “Are you the Ear‑Throat‑Eye doctor?”
The psychiatrist replied, “Well, in a way, yes.”
The man explained: “I have a strange illness: whatever I hear, I do not see; and whatever I see, I do not hear about.”
The psychiatrist tore up the patient’s card and said: “We don’t treat socialism.”
Commentary:
In Soviet medicine, there was a real specialty called “Ear‑Throat‑Nose” (ETN), known in the U.S. as an ENT doctor or otolaryngologist. Eye diseases, however, are treated by a separate specialist—an ophthalmologist. The joke twists this reality into a nonexistent “Ear‑Throat‑Eye” doctor, which immediately signals absurdity.
The patient’s complaint—that what is talked about cannot be seen, and what is visible is never spoken of—becomes a metaphor for life under socialism, where perception and information constantly contradicted each other. The punchline, “We don’t treat socialism,” reflects the futility of seeking medical solutions for systemic problems. It’s a classic example of Soviet humor: everyday settings like clinics and doctors become stages for exposing the deeper absurdities of the system.
Russian Original
Мужчина пришел в поликлинику и попросил записать его к врачу Ухо-Горло-Глаз. Регистратор удивился необычной просьбе и дал талон к психиатру, так как мужчина был явно не в себе.
Когда, отстояв очередь, он попал наконец в кабинет врача, то сразу спросил: “Вы — ухо-горло-глаз?”
Психиатр ответил: “Ну, в некотором роде да.”
— “У меня странное заболевание: о чем слышу, того не вижу, а чего вижу — о том не слышу!”
Психиатр рвет карточку пациента со словами: “от социализма не лечим!”
Transliteration
Muzhchina prishel v polikliniku i prosit zapisat’ ego k vrachu Ukho-Gorlo-Glazu, registrator udivilsya neobychnoy pros’be i dal talon k psikhiatru, tak kak muzhchina byl yavno ne v sebe.
Kogda, otstoyav ochered’, on popal, nakonets, v kabinet vracha, to srazu sprosil: “Vy—ukho-gorlo-glaz?”
Psikhiatr otvetil: “Nu, v nekotorom rode da.”
— “U menya strannoe zabolevanie: o chem slyshu, togo ne vizhu, a chego vizhu—o tom ne slyshu!”
Psikhiatr rvet kartochku patsienta so slovami: “ot sotsializma ne lechim!”